Something Old, Something New

My wife and I recently celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary. We kept it simple: dinner for two at a casual local restaurant. While waiting for our food, our youngest son messaged us, asking for photos from a family trip we took about a decade ago. He wanted to revive some memories to share with friends. As my wife and I scrolled through our photos, we found ourselves reminiscing about that trip—recalling moments and smiling at adorable shots of our kids when they were younger. When our food arrived, we shifted back to the present, hashing out some of life’s current realities and mapping out our plans for the near future. We finished the evening with a small dessert before heading home.

It was a simple, lovely night—very much on brand for us. Would we have enjoyed a more luxurious celebration? Sure, and maybe someday we will. But that evening, as in our anniversaries of the past, we found joy in celebrating our relationship, our family, and the gratitude we share for our lives together.

People sometimes ask us about the secret to our longevity. The truth is, reaching 34 years of marriage was both intentional and, at times, far from inevitable. We dove into marriage feet first. We were young, naive, and in love, with little idea of what lay ahead. When reality set in, we hashed things out. We found compromise where possible and built mutual understanding where we couldn’t. When we started a family, we pivoted again, learning to nurture our relationship even as we prioritized our kids. Over the years, we’ve moved through many phases and continue to adapt. It hasn’t always been pretty—often it’s been messy. But we’ve remained committed, imperfections and all.

Some may know the traditional wedding rhyme that brides should wear something old, new, borrowed, and blue for good luck. What’s our secret? Something more than luck, I think. I don’t believe we’ve discovered anything grand, but maybe there’s some inspiration to be found in our story.

Our success has come from recognizing that our relationship is a partnership in motion. Change doesn’t always come in dramatic moments, but it’s clear when you look back. I love looking through old family photos and reliving those stories. As I get older, I cherish these memories even more. They ground me and remind me of what I truly value: the relationships I have with my wife and my family. We’ve accepted that we’re both imperfect and always evolving. The foundation of our relationship is rooted in our commitment to each other. But its longevity has come from nurturing a mutual trust—trust forged in the midst of imperfection, strengthened by the work of refinement, and sustained by the willingness to keep seeking the good in each other.

Something Old

In past posts, I’ve written about other relationships—especially friendships formed online. Marriage is a very different kind of relationship, to be very clear, but there are some parallels. Any successful relationship requires risk-taking, a willingness to see the good, and a commitment to building trust. Trust is the glue that holds things together when life gets messy and hard.

Something New

While these things are true, I’m often reminded that relationships are an ongoing activity, not a static achievement. Reflecting on my own connections—and the broader social climate—I believe there’s work to be done.

I see a growing inability to build social connections, a waning curiosity to engage in real conversation, and a struggle to sustain civil dialogue. The divisions created by drawing hard boundaries around groups and beliefs seem to be deepening. While this isn’t entirely new, it feels like it’s getting worse. At the core, I think, is a lack of imagination and appreciation for the process of meeting others where they are and finding the good.

Relationships mediated by digital media are fundamentally different from walking side-by-side with someone every day. Still, I want this space to be a place where I can connect and engage, be authentic and vulnerable, and invite you to learn about me—as I hope to learn about you.

Let’s dive in. I’m ready for whatever comes. I know we’ll need to hash things out together. But in that process I hope we will see the good and build some trust. After all, isn’t that what relationships are all about?